It's the cry of my heart

When I look around me right now, it seems that time is just flying by instantaneously.
It does feel kind of sad that I'm leaving project so soon.
The times that me and the team had enjoy over this the past 6 weeks.
The times that we shared laughter and joy.
There are so much to share from this experience, but it is best to save it for the opportunity to share it to the crowds.

Zoom In (1 Corinthians 6:12)

I have something to share deeply about the area that I am in, and the area deep within me.
First of all, Tim Horton is just outside my residence.
I'm getting kind of addicted to the Ice Cappuccino, just like bubble tea.
The area around me is nice.
However, it is nice around here, but just a ten minute walk to south east of Waterloo, you'll see a lot of broken people.
I went to two churches for the past two weeks.
I went to Lincoln Chapels, and Creekside church.
I think I might stick with Creekside because I enjoy the school bus ride.
What else to share?
I haven't been reading God's word for few days.
When I don't read His word, I don't feel Spiritually Filled.
It is dangerous to not stick with God and reading and knowing Him because I would end up being depress and start doing things my own way.
Not only that, I would end up not being very passionate for Him.
I would stick with fun rather than fellowship.
Last night, I felt kind of depress.
Another personality that I have is that I am a very emotional person.
I had tons of things in my mind.
I forgot to email my updates to my church.
Once my secretary sent me an email about the bulletin, I wasn't in the bulletin...asking people to pray for me.
I felt discouraged by the fact that I am not in the bulletin...well maybe the past two weeks.
I was kind of busy and I forgot to update my situation with my secretary.
I was also thinking about the fact that I am nearly half-way through project.
Also thinking how it would feel to be to go back home.
Have I changed over the process of the last three weeks.
Have I honor God over the last three weeks?
Am I satisfied by the fact that I am on this project.
Those were just not so happy news.
BUT THERE ARE HAPPY NEWS!
Me and the other people went to St.Jacob's Market and I bought tons of groceries today!
Those could last me more than a week.
I didn't need to spend that much.
I learned that cooking is fun and that groceries are way cheaper than just a meal at McDonald.
I finally learn how to cook just decent meals for myself...not sure if others would enjoy it.
Played Citadels.
When I turn back my Bible, I have TONS of things to know about God.
I want to know Him deeply.
I want to get very intimate with Him.
I also learned that there are so many things that we can do, but are they worth doing?
"Everything is permissible for me" - but not everything is beneficial.
There are so many things that tempt me to sin, but I'll fight hard to overcome it by the power of the Holy Spirit.
"Everything is permissible for me" - but I will not be masted by anything.
Continue to pray for me and my team, and also others who are on Project.

Close-Up

I just want to update my blog.
Before project, I post one almost every day.
Now, I post one every OTHER days.
Just a little bit of insight of what I am doing now.
I don't post any other things on the facebook group.
Honestly, I am pretty tired.
What I like about being tired is that I could be more zeal to God.
No matter what the circumstances are, I won't give in easily.
I battled the same sin for almost the last decade.
Like almost 95% of the guys suffers pornography and lust over appealing females.
5% would PROBABLY lie about it.
In the beginning of project, my video director or my boss was gathering all the guys to talk about this issue.
It is hard.
The intimacy about falling into temptation is really deep.
Every morning and night, I would battle until I KNOCK down unconsciously.
When it regains its consciousness, I would simply knock it out again the next morning.
It is a difficult battle.
But I must stand firm and know that God will pull me out of this drug.
Anyhow, I confess! but I'll pull myself through this.
Moreover, my chest and arms are very sore from that push-up.
I don't think I could do anymore push-ups until I am fully recover.
NEXT TIME, stretch your muscles before doing it!
Playing BANG, the card game, a lot these days.
People are very into that game.
It's like Mafia, except that game is 10X better.
And then Rockband 2.
It's fun hanging out and having a fellowship with the same people each day.
Not until some people leaves on the weekend.
It's good to get to know one another slowly and develop our friendship even more.
Anyhow, just something I am letting out for once in my life.

Be Strong and Courageous (Joshua 1)

As I finish reading the book that Moses wrote: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy, I'm engaging into the book of Joshua.
I observed a few interesting scenes and situations that the Israelite are going through.
As Moses is waiting upon his death, he tells Joshua to take the authority and lead the Israelite.
I bet Joshua was scared when he heard that.
Many times, Moses tell Joshua in Deuteronomy, "Be strong and Courageous".
In Joshua 1, God starts telling Joshua, "Be Strong and Courageous".
Numerous of time I come upon that phrase.
I feel that Joshua was kind of fearful to take lead.
Moses was the only person who can lead the Israelite to the promise land.
However, God didn't let him go there and died in Mount Nebo.
Later on in the book of Joshua, Joshua became a strong and Noble person and said, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous.
This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to
fight."
Kings were killed by Joshua.
Joshua starts commanding the Israelite to "be strong and courageous".
I can tell he had a strong tone of voice when he said that.
There will be times in our lives when we are weak, when we need to take leadership when a person leaves.
For me, I guess John Homenuke will be leaving for Ontario and carry on his work.
What will happen to Awana when the commander leaves?
In SFU, who would take leadership for the servant team?
For youth, although I'm not part of it anymore, who will take on the executive roles?
I don't know about me.
I did wanted to take leadership many times, but wasn't chosen to be one.
If we are chosen one day, then may we "be strong and courageous".

Mom (Psalm 113:9)

Happy Mother's day.
I will always remember what you have did for me; you didn't leave me.
There were times when you wanted to kick me out of the family.
There were times when you yelled and scorned at me.
There were times when you and I were arguing.
There WAS a time when I hit you.
There were times when I disobeyed and dishonored you.
There were times when everything was unknown to us.
There were times of misunderstanding.
There were time when you and I were having a spiritual conversation.
There were times when I saw you cry numerously.
There were times when you went through hardships when I couldn't do much about it.
There were times when you complimented and encouraged me.
There were times when you loved me, and still are.

Now that I am a grown man, yet still needs to be disciplined, I really hope that you do not need to worry about me anymore.
I pray that you will know Christ.
I pray that you will discover His love.
I pray that you will seize yourself to Him.
I pray that you will repent and follow Him.
I pray that you will pray daily.
I pray that you will read His words with wisdom.
I pray that you will love Him.

A Mother's Creed:
I will worry less about my children and trust God more.
I will commit them into the Lord's care.
I will love my children unconditionally and let them know I do.
I will believe in them constantly and encourage them often.
I will pray for them daily.
I will teach them responsibility for their own actions.
I will try to be an example of Godliness, but I will be unafraid to let them see my faults.
I will give them generous doses of laughter, interspersed with fun.
I will release them when they are grown but they will be my own.

"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord."
I love you, mom, for you will ALWAYS be my mom.
It's funny that you look old in this picture, which was nearly two-three years ago, when you look very young in person.

Gifts (Romans 12:6-8)

Lord, I want healing in my heart.
I'm pretty wounded by the fact that I couldn't do anything about it.
Only You could bring healing in my heart.
Am I just doing too much?
Because I don't believe I worked hard enough, I want to use my energy to invest my time on this video project.
I really want someone to hear what my heart has to say.
However, only You can know what my heart desires.
I really do desire to continue working on it and have my Sabbath on Sunday.
Just because Jesus left, it doesn't mean we should stop doing evangelism.
Just because our work is done, it doesn't mean I should stop working because I don't think I worked hard enough.
Oh well, I can't do anything about it to make things happen.
If I really desire to continue working, then will You, oh Lord, give me this desire?
You promise that if I do believe, without any doubts in my heart, then you will be done for me. (Mark 11:23-24)
Anyhow, we all have different gifts that God gave us.
I find it so hard and very unsatisfying to not use my gift.
Paul has a very interesting philosophy in Romans 12:6-8
You guys can read it.
Seems like Paul is stating to the crowd that whoever is stopping that person from using his gift, he wants that person to let the gifted person to continuing using his/her gift to serve God.
"If it is serving, let him serve."
Why stopping that gifted man from serving?
It is part using our whole body as a living sacrifice.
For me, I still need to honor and be devoted with another with love.
I want to be sincere in the things I do.
"Love must be sincere."
It is a spiritual gift that we ought to learn to love.
Hopefully I'll figure some ideas out during the weekend and work hard on it on Monday.
"And whatever you do, whether in word, or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Thank You, God.
For the healing of my heart.
I feel a lot better now.
I think things will get straighten for me...for now.
I want to be challenge in many ways.

LooP[Orientation week] (Romans 12:1-2)

For the first three days at Waterloo, I am having a fabulous time.
Even through learning and trying to keep myself awake during the afternoon, I still get to develop and learn a lot.
One of the seminar that struck me was about Spirit-Filled Life.
Now, it is not trying to show us how to use the booklet.
Instead of using the booklet, the speaker, Allan Self, demonstrated some instruction in how to be filled with the spirit during this project.
Before I get to that, interesting thing is happening.
I know that Jess will read this, but there almost everyone's Caucasian.
I'm have nothing against them, but it just feels funny that I'm surrounded by white people.
I usually hangout with asian and got used to the feelings of it.
Anyhow, I was struck with three things that are going on in my walk with God.
When it comes to idolizing things besides God, we're worshiping it.
He showed us these two verses and explain it in a deeper category - Worldly Idol, Relational Idol, and Spiritual Idol.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Paul is URGING people.
It is a strong verb.
It's like I DESIRE you.
There are so many things that we don't offer our bodies to God.
Sometimes, we often offer a little bit to God.
Instead, Paul strongly stated that you MUST offer your WHOLE BODY to God as a living sacrifice.
Here are some of the things that I struggle to do so.
Worldly Idol: Money, Education.
Relational Idol: I often think about her, but I know, for myself, that I don't worship or put this as my primary focus. There is nothing wrong with thinking about it except don't be too obsess with her and lose focus on God.
Spiritual Idol: This is the thing that struck me. We have a strong passion to serve God, except our passion can take over us and do things our own way instead of His way. We want to memorize scripture verses, yet we don't focus on God. There many things to say, but these are good things, however keep yourself focus on God, not His plan...hopefully you guys will understand what I mean.
I do struggle with offering my whole body to God.
I'm afraid and not very courageous.
I tend to be very sensitive with being humiliated.
Please pray about this situation of mine, and also think about your walk with God.
Are we offering our whole body to God?

Losing a Bus Pass (Matthew 6:19:21)

Before I leave for Waterloo, I want to make another entry.
People are already coming back from a small vacation.
Now it is time for school again!
Oh how fun...can't wait until I go back to school in September.
I wonder if she's back yet...hmm...should I call her before I leave?
Anyhow!
Today has been a hectic day and also a grateful day!
Went to Kitty's baptism and ate a lot of California sushi.
Ok, the hectic part of the day.
My mom lost my little brother's bus pass and my mom is nagging and telling us to find it for her.
Ok, so we've searched carefully each section and corner of the house.
Still, it is nowhere to be found.
In the end, we just gave up and go on with life.
My older bro made another comment about the finding.
He keeps telling us to keep looking for it.
Ok, sure, we'll look for it for the rest of our lives.
Very dramatic family I have sometimes, and they're hilarious.
It is not the first time that my mom lost something.
She lost numerous of things, but were found eventually, such as car keys.
She's growing older, so I can't blame her for losing stuff although I do get frustrated when she keeps telling me to find it when I tried looking for it.
She did lose money.
There were many cases when her cash went missing, and she puts the blame on us for "stealing" it.
We all did not admit we stole anything from her.
She did had a grudge on one of us for doing this, but eventually her mood went back to normal.
See, that is the thing when we love worldly things...materialism.
Those things eventually go rusty or rot, and then you find it no appealing anymore and you try to find other stuff to entertain you.
Make more money, and waste more money.
People will start to steal your valuable stuff.
My house got broken in once when I was a little kid.
My mom felt sorrow after all her stuff got stolen.
Afterwards, she didn't have any concern about it anymore.
Instead, she asked a technician to install an alarm at our house.
And she goes out and buy more stuff.
FYI, my family used to be wealthy if you read my testimony on my facebook note.
Money will go missing.
Money is made out of papers, which makes it very valuable.
Same goes for Bus Pass.
It is very valuable for my little bro so he could go to school without spending too much money.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with bus pass if you're just using it for transportation.
But for money, it is dangerous if you're obsess with it.
1 Timothy 6:10 "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
However, when God has given you His treasure, it can never get stolen or rust.
His treasure is Jesus.
God has given us Jesus to be our treasure for our salvation.
God has given us grace and mercy over our sins.
God has given us great privilege to be His child.
God has given us His most valuable treasure for us.
His treasure is our ticket to heaven.
Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Who died on the cross.
Obedience to His death on the cross.
I give thanks and praise for God sending us Jesus.
I give thanks and praise for His love for us.
His treasure cannot be stolen by anyone, unless we throw away that treasure.

The Beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4)

I deleted my last blog.
After blogging it, I went to sleep and for some reason I knew there were somethings I shouldn't have said or somethings that might not make any sense.
So God convicted to do something about it, so I chose to delete it.
While blogging, I cheat a little bit in what I'm going to say.
Whenever I blog, I prepare a simple short message.
It's night time and my brain is slowly turning off.
Anyhow.
Each of us are made beautiful in God's eyes.
We are born the way God wanted.
He sees it and it is beautiful.
Isn't it beautiful when you see a new life being made?
If I see a new life of my children or a child, then my wife, probably, and I would be crying joyfully.
It's beautiful.
It's like seeing a new person being born again during Baptism.
I've never seen a new biological birth in my life before.
It would be cool to see it one day.
Who would ever call their child ugly?
Who would ever call their child useless?
Who would call their child anything that offends God's creation?
By the time we reach adolescent, we want to fit in into the crowd of cool people.
Most teenage girls would put make up and dress really nice to make themselves look very appealing to the men.
 This is the message.
God doesn't need you to look nice on the outside to be accepted by Him, but the beauty in you already appeals God's sight.
I'm going to finish packing now.
Tomorrow is my last day in Vancouver and then I'm off on Monday to LOOP!