Pessimistc (Jeremiah 29:11)

I have been hearing that word (the title) a lot these days.
Personally, I don't even know what if I am.
When I am depressed, I do think negatively.
At least, I was depressed.
Perhaps I still do think negatively along the side.
Psychologically speaking, when I get worried, I also think negatively.
For exams, I know that I will pass, but I tend to believe I would fail my exam.
I do love you, but I don't know if I can be with someone doesn't show that love back to me.
Note: I don't necessarily need you to say it to me (although it does lighten my heart and tinkles my ears), but trusting me to lead you is already an action of love that you are showing.
For the future, I don't even know what I am going to be doing.
As I was reading Jeremiah, a lot had happened during the exile.
Two events are happening.
People were being exiled to Babylon for a good cause.
People were staying in Judah for a bad cause.
I don't have much to share in this post, but I might have lots to talk about.
It is getting late and I do pray that my heart would continue to seek after God.
For I will trust Him for my future and I don't need to think about it.
Just to let you know, I learned how to not to be a pessimism.
Therefore, I am not pessimistic.

East Coast and South Coast

She flew away...
On Thursday.
I will be drive away...
Next Friday.

East Coast and South Coast

She flew away...
On Thursday.
I will be drive away...
Next Friday.

Figure

It is hard to love.

Honestly, I have no idea how many times I have said it.

I am starting to grow in love, but it is hard.

It is difficult to love a person who doesn't know if he or she loves you back.

I wonder how God feels.

I wonder how much anger God has when Israel forsaken Him.

No matter much love and forgiveness God gives them, they always betray Him.

Reading the Old Testament, there are so much rebuke and judgment from God.

However, there is also mercy and grace from God.

I won't talk too much in this blog but I really want to know.

I really want to figure things out deeply and honestly as I can.

Can I love her if she doesn't love me back?

Can I be with her if she doesn't love me back?

Bigger question is: Can she trust me?

I believe trusting me is all the respect that I need.

Because out of trust, there is a by-product of love being acted out.

Continue to seek God's heart because I can find my answer there.

Last One For This Semester =)

Tech 124 (Check)

Tech 114(Check)

IAT 235 (Check)

IAT 202(Unchecked)

Time to finish filming by Thursday evening!

Honestly, I find this semester flew by at an instant.

I still remember the moment when this semester started.

I met a lot of new friends this semester, but did not get too close them.

On Sunday evening, when I was school doing project with my friend, I had an opportunity to share the Gospel and my testimony to him.

He was quite open to what I had to say.

He is searching the purpose of his existence.

After explaining everything to him, I prayed that he will come to know God in the future.

The seed was planted, but the Lord does the watering.

Pray for him.

Four Months Minus One Day From Now

Hello readers.

I would love to welcome you to my new blog.

Jill Manubay suggested me to use this website to post more entries so she and other readers can comment.

Just a show of hands(or comments), who is reading this?

I didn't officially ditch my old blog.

I would love to read it over again in the future and to see how God worked in my life over the past few years.

Here is my old blog: http://lltommy100689.spaces.live.com/

Today, it is my second time posting.

Reading from the Title, you guys and gals might not understand what is happening.

Today is April 10th 2010.

Next Four months later, it will be August 10th, 2010.

Minus One Day, it will be August 9th, 2010.

I am looking forward to that day when my covenant will be fulfilled.

I am also looking forward in seeing what God will do during that day.

Please read my old blog if you don't understand what that means.

Read exactly August 9th, 2009 entry.

Anyhow, I have lots to design in this blog, so I look forward to using this awesome blog!

reFocus and WordPress

A moment ago, I was shedding tears, not physically.
I didn't literally cry, but something inside my was crying.
My heart, my soul, and my spirit was crying.
They were crying out to me.
I don't know how to explain it, but I heard it.
I was deeply convicted of my own sins by the Holy Spirit.
When I was convicted, I saw Jesus, His supremacy.
 I saw Jesus for who He is.
I saw Him, in spirit.
Through His words and they became flesh, and more real.
Am I reflecting on His words?
Am I living out my life according to His words?
Knowing God is not only about reading His words.
The Scripture has to be real in our own personal life.
How utterly foolish I am.
I lost sight of God for just few days because I was so busy with school that I didn't even both investing my time to spend with Him.
However, I still remember that He is always there beside me, telling me to He is there.
There is the difference between knowing that He is here, and Him telling me that He is there.
One word can describe it: Focus.
I didn't go to John Piper's Conference that was held at Willingdon Church.
I simply "borrowed" that word and used it as my title.
I was listening to one of the Willingdon church's conference called "reFocus".
However, that video or the sermon was THREE YEARS AGO.
The speaker was Mark Driscoll.
That dude has great things to share.
How I began to respond to his message is when he mentioned about Men.
As always, he targets the men.
There needs to be men in the church who can lead.
However, we are lacking men to be leaders and role models for the church.
When he was talking about men, he was talking to ME.
Long story short, I began to ponder again about my masculinity.
Am I a man, or am I still a little boy?
Honestly, my response was just half-and-half, but that is not what God wants me to be.
He doesn't want me to be double-minded.
It is either I am a man, or I am a little boy.
I still act kind of immature, which is alright from time to time.
I don't have a part-time job to support myself.
I rely on the student loan that the government lends me, but I still have to pay them back.
In the future, if I don't have a job, I am screwed.
If I am screwed that I don't have a job, then.......
She will be dying...She will be discouraged...She will be suffering...
All because of me...for being lazy.
I spending has reached to its highest point that I am going overboard...WAY overboard.
God will come to me and discipline me for destroying and wrecking His daughter...and His provisions.
He already shot me in the head.
I was deeply convicted.
I prayed for a while and get myself right with God again.
Be a man.
That is what I want to become.
A Godly man for a Godly woman.
A Godly man who loves and obeys the Lord.
He is gracious and compassionate to me, even though I screwed up billions of times, He is still merciful and forgiving.
Holy Spirit sanctify me.

Jill asked me to change my blog into WordPress so she would comment on it.
I was debating with myself for a while if I should switch over.
Looking back to my entries, a lot of things happened.
I can never imagine myself having a long story about myself and what God has been teaching me.
Perhaps, I will read it over again and laugh at myself.
Alright.
I will switch over to WordPress and try something new.
I'll let everyone an opportunity to post on my blog and say whatever they want to say even though they don't have an account.
I'll let you know about my new account.

One more week left

For this post, I will doing a lot of sharing about my school life.
About school, we only have one more week left.
I have a final exam on Thursday and I have not done any readings for that class.
Therefore, I need to start studying hard for it.
I heard that the record for that exam is like 8 minutes.
8 minutes!?
Must be a very easy exam?
However, I won't count on that.
In addition, I dislike that class because it is one of my worse courses this semester...I don't have anymore comments.
I actually forgot that I needed to submit a report about my prototype.
Hopefully my TA is gracious enough to accept it even though it was due on Friday.
Another group meeting.
We were getting along just fine, but we are getting lazier now.
We actually did really well on our written document...fantastic job team!
Last week, just endure and give everything we got for this last week.
Last video left.
Just need to get Kitty and the other people together and work hard on it.
No slacking...hopefully.
Put more efforts on it.

Anyhow, enough of boring stuff from above...if you find it interesting, then coolio~
I have a lot of things to say, but I don't want to express myself too much.
FINALLY, I have a question.

WHO IS STILL KEEPING UP WITH MY LIFE (BLOG)?

Baby! (John 3:3)

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the
Jewish ruling council.
He came to Jesus at night and said, "Rabbi, we
know you are a teacher who has come from God.
For no one could
perform he miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him."
In
reply Jesus declared, "I tell
you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born
again."

Today, I witness six individuals getting baptized,
not at my church though.
One of them are my friends, and his name is
Rocky.
Also, an individual said something that really caught my attention...in a negative way, but God knows where his heart is at =)
"Will you follow Him in love?" (I made that part up since I forgot what Pastor usually ask the candidate before they get baptized)
"I'll do the best that I can."
Thinking back to the time when I got baptized, which was two years, a lot of things had happened after that event.
I have a long way in know who God is.
Reading through the Bible and trying to get the glimpse of God is actually simple, but only through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Please, for those who are reading this, do support your brothers and sisters in Christ after they got baptized.
Their journey has just started.
They are like spiritual babies who will continually stumble when walking but eventually will grow strong.
After Jesus got baptized, what happened?
He didn't immediately go into ministry and do all these great things for God.
What happened? Tell me.
I believe that a lot of Christians have missed this passage.
Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be TEMPTED by the devil.
Now, why would He do that?
Note: I am still trying to seek answer to this question...time to ask MOOSY MOO MOO!
Anyhow, there will be times when Rocky and the rest of the people who are baptized today will be tempted by Satan.
He's not very happy to see Christians being baptized.
Just because they are baptized, it doesn't mean they gain power or something.
It doesn't mean they are change in any way.
Please...oh please...don't get this idea in your head about baptism.
As I just said, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE BAPTIZED, it doesn't mean that change would immediately happen.
I remember after being newly born or baptized, not by water, but by the Holy Spirit, I thought I would be smart about things.
I had this spiritual pride in me at that point, but that kind of attitude made someone close to me very very mad at me.
It wasn't long until she forgave me.
Before she forgave me, Masao kind of rebuked me for being "smart", which I wasn't, but instead very foolish.
Instead of feeling "smart" about myself, I humbled myself and began to start understand God and want to know Him better.
That was kind of my story after I got baptized.
He calls us babies for a reason, so that we
may know our weaknesses, and so that we may receive Grace, more and
more, for babies need lots of time to grow.
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good
deeds." ~ Hebrews 10:24

Drummania

For those who don't know me that personally, I have a hobby.
I like to play Music Video Games.
For example, DDR, GuitarHero, and Rockband.
However, I do like to play drummania which came from Japan.
I think I started playing it after grade 11.
At first, I thought it was just another drum machine that people plays in the arcade.
I thought, "Why waste money when you could play the real drums!"
Ironically, I tried and I was horrible at it.
Unlike today, I have been playing for almost four years.
People asked me how much money did I spend on that machine in total.
I won't tell you but to be really good at that game needs a lot of loonies.
Anyhow, people considers me as a "professional".
I could play from easy to insane songs.
The level and the difficult of the game is very consistent consider that there are tons of different bands to play with.
So why am I talking about drummania?
If you still have no clue what that game is, then google is it up.
I am not bragging about my skills and ability to play that game.
However, that game did inspire me to play REAL drums.
Anyways, the reason why I want to talk about it is because I am already too good at it.
When I am good at it, people would be appeal to watch me play
After being appeal, they would consider me as their IDOL.
That is really dangerous...especially in my position.
They are idolizing ME!?!?!?
That's really bad.
I'm not the one whom they should worship...
Actually, those people already said I am their idol, but I didn't take it seriously because I thought it was a joke back then.
Today, a girl said I am her idol at least two times in a row......and she wants to be as good as me.
I recently met her last semester.
The Holy Spirit convicted me at that point.
I thought I was worse enough to not take good stewardship that I was given, but now a person is idolizing me.
This is not good.
As I went home, I ponder about it for a while.
Maybe...maybe I should stop playing.
Perhaps I should stop playing.
Stop wasting money, and also stop being idolized.
I was proud and boasted some of the scores on a lot of songs.
Instead of leading them to Christ, I became part of the world.
On the phone, I told her to pray for me that I would take good stewardship on the money that God has graciously provided for me.
I still stumble and fail to do so.
Now, I know what I need to do.
Forgive me, Father.

Blood

As I am typing this right now, Jesus was
probably done with His the Passover with His disciples. On this post,
there will be questions about the difference between the Old Covenant
and the New Covenant. “In the same way, after the supper he took the
cup, saying ‘This cup is the new covenant in my BLOOD, which is poured
out for you.” ~ Luke 22:20

The word, “blood”, was used a lot in
the Bible. During the Old Testament, the Israelite brought different
kinds of offering to God: The Burnt Offering, The Grain Offering,
Fellowship Offering, The Sin Offering, and The Guilt Offering.
Therefore, they would have to slaughter an animal, like the herd or the
flock, as an offering to God. The reason why I want to talk about blood
is because it is very important. How so? My friend sent me an email as a
weekly devotion that enlightened me so I also want to share it with
you.

“So what's the big deal with blood? Well it seems like
throughout scripture it has been displayed as sacred. An Atonement.
Reading through the laws in the burnt, sin, guilt and peace offering it
all mentions an animal sacrifice and the shedding of blood.”

Whenever
the Israelite committed a sin, they would have to bring an unblemished
(clean) animal (herd or flock) to the altar and sacrifice it. They would
sprinkle the blood onto the altar as a performance of purification.
Now, read this last comment from my friend.

“This atonement
practice leads to Christ, when He shed His blood for us. Because blood
is life.”

Have you ever wondered why Jesus Christ came down to
earth and shed His blood for us? As I was saying about the offering in
the Old Testament, the Israelites would repeatedly perform the same
thing whenever they stumble. Why blood? Why sacrifice?

“In fact,
the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with BLOOD, and
without the shedding of BLOOD there is NO forgiveness.” ~ Hebrews 9:22

Today,
as you read this, Jesus was already in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was
in distress and troubled that He even sweats blood. He was arrested by
the Romans. He was mocked and insulted. Why did Jesus have to die? What
is the difference between Him and the animal?

“For it pleased
the Father that in him should all fullness dwell; And, having made peace
through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto
himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in
heaven.” ~ Colossians 1:19-20 (KJV)
We were all destined to be in
hell. We were all not worthy to be with Him.

However, John 3:16
(you know what it says). It is by the love and grace of God that He sent
Jesus Christ to die to us from the wrath of God.

“How much more,
then, will the BLOOD of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered
himself UNBLEMISHED to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead
to death(which is hell), so that we may serve the living God!” ~ Hebrews
9:14

Therefore, Jesus’ sacrifice and shedding of blood for our
sins was ONCE and FOR ALL. There was no need to sacrifice animal or
present offerings at the altar.

“For Christ did not enter a
man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered
heaven itself, now to appear for us in God's presence. Nor did he enter
heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters
the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. Then
Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the
world. But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do
away with sin by the sacrifice of himself. Just as man is destined to
die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once
to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time,
not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for
him.” ~ Hebrews 9:24-28

“For Christ died for sins once for all,
the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.” ~ 1 Peter 3:18a

Today
is Good Friday. Don’t take this day as another holiday. Take this day
as a remembrance of Jesus’ Sacrifice for our sins when He was nailed
onto the cross and crucified. I will post another discussion on Easter.