Update

I am learning something new everyday.
Believe it or not.
Of course, I believe most of us learn something new.
I know that I haven't blogged much deeper thoughts lately.
Part of it is that I don't want to express myself too much.
Plus, I especially don't want to express deep into the heart of my significant other.
My mom warned me not to put too much feelings into it.
Which is true because I was hurt in the past.
However, I put this situation through more times of thought and prayer.
Therefore, I will not talk about it from now until that day.
More of it has to do with not wanting to have any disappointment to you guys and myself.
So, I have an assignment due tomorrow and I am cramming it tonight.
Typical student like me will cram.
I think I should seriously not cram anymore or else I will lose sleep.
Time to get back to work.
I will post some interesting thoughts later.
Oh, before I publish this entry, I will throw in one convicting thought that she shared with me
"When we are so busy or too caught up with world, the first thing that we kick out in our thought is God."

PJ

It's been almost a week since I last posted.
Quite a lot has happened actually, but I have to go home and share it with you guys.
Right now, in the midst of the supper time, I am still at school exporting my video and burning it onto a DVD.
Two assignments due tomorrow and I am on the "go".
So far, my education life has shifted quite a lot.
Comparing to my 1st year, it was quite a big turnout.
Not only am I enjoying what I am doing, but I am find myself rejoicing and being very glad about it.
God is good, all the time.
For the past week, I have been thinking quite a lot.
Thinking about what I am going to do with my degree.
Perhaps I will go into Pixar, but it's very competitive.
Or I might go into ministry...like the youth.
So, am I going to be a Pastor?
Maybe, or maybe not.
I thought about it, but it's all about God.
He's the one who in control of my life.
Indeed, my heart is placed in the youth.
Not to mention, my youth Pastor will be leaving at around May.
It was quite a dramatic surprise.
He has only been at OBC for 2.5 years.
It felt like I met him yesterday.
I still remember that very moment when I first met him and his wife.
However, time sure has flew by.
I really do want to learn more from him.
Hopefully, for the next 4 months, I will get to spend more time talking to him and being discipled.
However, his teachings are all from God's word.
Today, he taught me a better way to do the inductive bible study that is less technical.
I find that to be a very helpful method.
I desire to learn more about God's word in the future.

Prayer for Haiti

Father, I know that You are the Sovereign God.
I know that Your purpose and Your will is greater than ours.
God, I do not know why You would allow this to happen, but I know that there is a reason for it.
Father, I ask for compassion upon Haiti.
I ask for Your grace upon Haiti.
I ask that You would forgive them for their sins, as You have forgiven my sins.
God, I know when bad things happen, You intend it for the good, the saving of many lives.
God, I lift that place up to You.
May I not be just think too plain about it.
But to have compassion for them.
God, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Haiti needs You, Jesus.
In Your name I pray, Amen.

Alone with God

I read today's devotion on "My Utmost For His Highest".
As I was reading it, I was moved by the title.
So many times, I find myself with God, and with other people.
As some of you might not know, my house is noisy.
I really desire to find a place so quiet where I can be alone with God.
"He explains things to us as we are able to understand them."
"It is slow work - so slow that it takes God all of time and eternity to make a man or woman conform to His purpose."
I am not doubting God's greatness.
Slow or Fast doesn't matter to God's standard.
He can do whatever He desires so for us.
In this entry, the author is pointing out that we ourselves are difficult to understand.
We don't recognize how sinful we are.
Be humble, don't think that we all understand ourselves.
I'm still striving to understand myself also.
I am grateful that Jesus is continually teaching me how to observe and examine myself even more.
I, myself, want to understand what it means to be the man that God intended for me to be.
Get rid of the idea of being prideful because Jesus can't teach you or me anything if we are so arrogant and self-righteous.
"He will reveal numerous misplaced affections or desires - things over which we never thought He would have to get us alone. Many things are shown to us, often without effect. But when God gets us alone over them, they will be clear."
May be continue to find a time to be alone with God in His word and in prayer...mainly, in worship.

Expressionist

Indeed, you deserve better.
I am not fully ready to take it yet.
You mean to much to me already, but I feel like I have to let you go.
However, it is not I who will do things, but Christ be the center of our relationship.
He is continually pulling me back and telling me to trust Him.
The uneasiness of knowing the comprehensive of relationship.
I may understand that I, as a man, must be responsible for you.
I may understand that I must love you.
I may understand that I must lead you.
I may understand that I must provide for you.
I may understand that I must protect you.
However, I don't understand the experience of the next stage.
I am glad that we are not dating.
I am glad that we are giving each other a lot of time in prayer.
I am glad that we are blessed by the grace of God that we have another day to talk to each other.
I am glad that God is teaching us through this moment.
I am glad.
I am thankful.
Because He is always giving us the opportunity to talk, to share, to be open, and to pray for each other on the phone.
However, right now, I need to fix my eyes on the author and the perfection of our faith.

Father, I ask for signs.
Help us to grow in our relationship with You.
Let us understand Your calling, Your good, please, and perfect will.
May we be still and know that You are God through this storm.
Be the center of all of our relationship.
May we continue to strive and persevere to know You better in this situation and moment in whatever way we can.
All this goes to the glory and the power of Jesus Name.

Crazy Dream

I remember back then I blogged about my dream.
Last night, this dream I had felt so real.
Of course, it was just a dream...not reality.
For some reason, I didn't realize it was a dream after all.
Last night, I did pray about it.
The relationship between her and I.
Not that I desire to be with her, but the desire for us both to come to love Him even more.
For the past 7 days, I learned a lot about myself than I ever realize.
God has been teaching me so much that I am quite compelled and overwhelmed by His grace and love.
Thank You, Father.
For You are so good to us.

Understanding God (Hosea)

When I read Hosea, I was quite astonished.
Knowing that Israel was continually prostituting themselves, they also did not turn back to God.
However, that is not really why I was astonished.
Reading over the book of Hosea, I finally got to understand God's heart, His "feeling" I should say.
When I was reading it, I could vividly picture God crying.
The land that He loved and chosen to be the nation.
He is burning in anger.
He is roaring like a lion.
Could you imagine how God feels?
"Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you."
That is what God wants for Israel to do.
Instead, Israel did the opposite if you continue to read on from Hosea 10:13-15.
Our God is a jealous God.
Wait, didn't God tell us not to covet thy neighbor's house?
Yes, that was last commandment of the Ten Commandments.
However, His jealousy is righteous and holy.
He is not jealous of other people's material or wealth.
He is jealous because His people, the ones He love, are walking away from Him.
Imagine you have your own children, and you love them so much.
However, they come to you and love the money you give to them instead YOU.
Imagine...they love your gifts instead of YOU.
Imagine they love their uncles and aunties instead of their own parents?
Imagine, they love to spend time with other people instead of YOU.
How would you feel?
He is calling us to turn away and come back Him.
Coming back to Him with Full Repentance from our sins.
Repent and Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Time is short.
Heaven and Hell are moving towards us.
"I have a good news and a bad news. Good news is that God is here, and Bad news is that God is here. It depends on where you are standing." ~ Paul Washer

Expressionist

My friend.
How are you doing?
I miss you dearly.
I want to talk to you.
I have to much to say to you.
I'm sorry that I can't love you.
Only He loves you more than I do.
I don't even know how to express it to you.
Don't worry, my friend.
God is good.
He taught me something today.
I realize that I need to love Him more.
God has taught me a lot, and I want to share it with you.
Don't get too anxious because I am not in the position to start something yet.
Call me later.
I'll be waiting.

Clouds and Darkness (Psalm 97:2)

School is starting again today and I am totally not prepared yet.
One reason is that I'm not packed up for school.
Second reason is that I don't want to go back to school just yet...but oh well.
School is fun, hopefully.
Third reason is that I don't like my new backpack.
Have you ever thought that the teachings in the scripture were simple?
There are tons of those who are not Christians would say that the Bible is simple to understand.
Maybe perhaps they would say that the Bible is simply a whole contradiction to itself.
Don't by into these lies that the world is telling you.
As we read this passage, think about it is saying to us.
"Clouds and thick darkness surround him;
       righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne."
Who's "him"?
Of course, it is God that the Psalmist is talking about.
If you have never ever gotten close to him, then you will never understand who He is.
Before I was a Christian, it was so hard and difficult for me to understand God's word...everything I read seemed like "clouds and darkness".
After being born again, or became a Christian, I am starting to understand His words...and wanting to seek and know Him more.
"Blessed are those who thirst and hunger for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matthew 5:6
Reading the book, "My Utmost For His Highest", it says, "The only possible way to have full understand of the teachings of Jesus is through the light of the Spirit of God shining inside us."
When I read God's word again and again, the words becomes flesh and real to me.
Jesus is always teaching us the same thing, but we learn something new from His words.
For Christians, I encourage you with this in 2 Peter 1:12-13.
"So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body."
For those who are yet believers, I believe the Bible is the truth and the authoritative word of God.
But it is written:
"The man(or woman) without the Spirit does NOT ACCEPT the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are FOOLISHNESS to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are SPIRITUALLY DISCERNED."
Another word for discerned would be...spiritually DEAD.
There is hope for you.
We were all blinded by the sins of this world.
We all didn't understand God's word.
However, Jesus did miraculous things in this world.
He healed the blinds and gave them a new spirit that was once dead.
Why not take the time and consider where you are at your life.
I'll be praying for you.

Being Challenged

I almost had tears in my eyes.
Before I begin talking, I have to say that I am overwhelmed.
Foolish as always, but can become wise when I am being corrected.
For my whole years of praying to God and seeking His guidance and His will for both of us(her and I), I realized that I didn't even begin asking myself some BIG and TOUGH questions.
Last night, I was talking to her cousin about it.
Ridiculous as it may sound since he has never been in a relationship, he encouraged and challenged me.
See, he and I are good friends.
I met him two years ago and he's one of my good friends in C4C.
You can say he and I are already tight in some ways.
I haven't talked to him for a while, so I chatted with him on MSN.
I was asking him what he thinks about her and I being together.
First, he asked us why I want to be in a relationship. (and I answered him)
Second, what do we think about each other. (I remember we(her and I) vaguely answered each other)
Third, name him some practical signs that God has given me that it is her. (I don't know exactly but I did share it with my brother at church)
Overall, I need to re-examine myself.
His questions really challenged me to continue to build up and seek God's calling and answers for my future.
Really, it is God who can work inside of me.
I've been praying that God would continue to develop and prepare me for my future wife.
Now, I guess God is throwing me these things in front of me.
"I'll tell you what I really think, personally. Tommy, I want you two to be together. Down the line, some day. I really do want to see you two together. But right now, from what I know about you two, I REALLY DON'T KNOW. Because it seems like you guys don't really understand the magnitude of what you're getting into. I know this may sound kind of ridiculous coming from me (since I've never been in a relationship), but I've heard stories and testimonies from older brothers, and it is VERY VERY TOUGH. Of course, you have to take a step of faith."
I am truly blessed to be challenged so that I won't make or do any stupid mistakes in the future.
Thank You, God...for your awesomeness.
I ask for wisdom and clarity from You.

My Utmost For His Highest (ONE YEAR SERIES)

Starting from January 1, 2010 - Dec 31, 2010, I will be reading the book on the title.
I read it before, but only a few pages.
Therefore, I desire to commit myself into reading it every single day, and PERHAPS blog about what I learned.
It is an interesting book because it helps us understand more about the verses in the Bible.

Winter Conference 2009

All I can say right is "wow"...
It was a whole new experience.
I have quite a lot to share from what I have experienced in WC 09.
One of the highlights for me in the conference is to continue to trust God and do not be afraid of the future.
Through speakers and seminars, I learned that I shouldn't take God's name as just a name.
Randy Newman spoke a lot about God's name: Elohim, Yahweh, and "I am".
Looking back, those names are sacred and powerful.
Rod Alms spoke about Faster, Higher, and Stronger.
In summary, devoting our lives to Christ on those aspects.
Too bad I lost my notes half-way through conference......
However, the experience I had was almost like the same experience during WC 07.
I realize that most of the time, I feel like I am quite prideful and proud about myself, but I don't even know if I boast about it.
Forgive me Father for what I am doing that I do not know.
Cleanse my heart...so that I may grow stronger...
Not slower, lower, and weaker...
but Faster, Higher, and Stronger.
Be the best that you can for the Glory of God.
Holy Spirit speak to me so that I may continue to experience you.
I am thinking about going to UVic Project, but we shall see.
God, what will You be working in me during 2010?
What are Your plans for me this year?
What is it that You want me to do that brings You glory.
Speak to me O' Lord.

Throughout the conference, there is also one more thing I want to look back as I move on.
"That is why we have memories."
"I don't know."
"NO! TOMMY~~~"
"If they know about it, then I don't care since we are not dating anyways."
I'll probably never forget the time we spent together.
The time where we laughed.
The time where we sneaked out together from letting others notice.
The time where we walked outside in the rain during the whole free time.
The time where we stood in the rain for a long time while thinking.
The time where we want to seek God for guidance and His will for both of us.
The time where we are just too afraid to move on.
I wish I could list them, but that is all I have to say.
I came to conference not for her, but for God.
However, I did got a little bit distracted, but the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me to fix my eyes only on God.
Yes, my friends, she was there.
She shared a lot with me and so did I.
I shared with Brent about it after the "Men's Time".
One thing that really hit me so hard that it is so hard to understand is this...
"Dating when you guys think are not dating."
He gave me an example.
When a boy and a girl are talking on the phone for few hours and hanging out a lot, is that not called "dating" even though they are "not dating".
Although we are not sure what is going to happen in 2010, but I believe God is continually telling both of us to seek for guidance and wisdom from others.
All I can say right now is that we are right before a BARRIER where we are not quite ready to take it down.
God, if it is NOT Your will for both of us to be together, then I ask that You would guard our hearts.
Prepare us for what is coming up in 2010.
Speak to us O' Lord.