Ma Life Time (Psalm 73:23-26)

Sitting here in front of my computer at 2:35am.
Came back from hangout with my church friends.
Yeah, we were out very late today.
Went to eat dinner.
And then went for Bubble Tea.
And then went to E-Spot and played.
Standing here or sitting here.
Before His presence.
Thinking of all the good things He has done.
Waiting here patiently.
Just to hear the still small voice again.
Holy, Righteous, Faithful till the end.
How can I forget His faithfulness?
Of all the things He has done in my past...
He saved me during my deepest and darkest moment in my life.
Depression hit me and I just wanted to hide from the world in that little deep dark corner where nobody could find me.
I tried to hide...I tried to run...
Yet, He was still gracious and loving.
He cleaned up the furniture and found a lost coin...
That lost coin was me...
I was so lost in my life where I didn't deserve His love.
But I was so miserable that I cried and ran back to Him because I needed Him.
He is enough. He is sufficient.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions.
It reminded me of how I came to know Christ.
I want to be strengthen again during that moment.
My mixed emotions...
Has a lot of do with tears running through my eyes when I pray and ask God what I need to pray for...*sob*
I read the passage when Jesus ask, "Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."
Jesus, what do you want me to ask you so that my joy may be full?
Greater things have yet to be done.
Whenever I meet up and talk to my friends (those who know about it), they would ask me, "How are you doing?"
How should I answer them?
Should I say "Yes, I'm doing good" or "No, I'm not doing good"
When I see them, I know they are praying for me.
They know that I am going through trials - fires of sorrow.
I have been praying and praying.
Patiently waiting for Him to answer me.
Waiting for Him.
Be still, and know that He is God.
God is faithful, therefore, He is worthy to be praised.
His works are perfect.
My friends know I have a shattered heart.
Yup, my heart is broken and shattered.
God is healing and shaping me.
I am not strong.
However, without Christ, I can do nothing.
All I would be doing is crying and being depressed.
I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I have been enduring this pain for a while.
That is why I said I have a lot mixed emotions.
When I feel down, I depend solely more on God, and I focus more on Him.
He is all that I need because He is the ultimate provider.
He is the only who I can depend on that can BREAK OFF any confusion that Satan has laid in my life.
And her life.
Can I honestly say I am not desperate to be in a relationship?
I told my friends that I am not...
Am I just saying it, or do I mean it?
Do I have kind of integrity to say so?
I am not obsessive about it anymore.
I told my closest brother and sister about my life.
It seemed like these things are happening because of what I did...
I do want the best for her.
I do want her to think things through.
I do want her to think deeply about our potential relationship.
I told her almost everything she needed to know about me.
Because I do want the best for her.
Last year, I confessed to her about my purity issues and asked her to pray for me.
Praise God! I am having victory over sexual immorality!
Just recently, around last month ago.
I asked her if she liked me.
I asked her if she is interested in me.
I asked her if she sees us being compatible with each other.
I asked her if she can still see us being more than just friends.
I asked her during the time we've spent together, was there a "spark" or a "click" in our hearts.
I didn't want to hide anything from her.
I wanted her to make sure that she is with the right godly man.
That is why...I set a one year covenant to pray about it.
I wanted to make sure too...and so does she.
I told her, "Do not awaken love until it desires so."
Now...
Things seem to be getting a lot more interesting than I have ever expected.
I asked myself, "Why are some females so confusing? I don't understand them anymore."
Am I the one who is causing the confusion or Am I offering her my love?
Indeed, I surrender her to You.
I don't want to take pride in it.
It is all for the glory of God.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called
according to his purpose."
She is God's daughter.
Only God will confirm.
I leave it up to the Father to see if He is willing entrust His daughter to me.
Right now, I desire to stay faithful to Him.
Set my eyes focused on Him and the prize that He will reward me.
Although deep down inside, I do want to be in a relationship.
However, I am not hungering for it.
All I want to do right now is seek His kingdom.
If God provides me a girlfriend (future spouse), then praise Him!
If not, then praise Him!
But God knows my heart more than I could know myself.
He knows my desires.
He knows that I am alone.
Nevertheless, nothing is more better than the reward that God will crown me.
I will worship You for who You are, Jesus!
Amen.

 "Nevertheless, I am
continually with you;
   you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your
counsel,
   and afterward you will receive me to glory.
  Whom have I in heaven but
you?
   And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may
fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

The Books

The Bible (Read)
The Qur'an (Haven't Read)
The Book of Mormon (Haven't Read)
The New World Translation (What does the Bible REALLY teach?) (Haven't Read)
Haven't read it? Don't talk about it!

Watch this video on youtube!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v3uDgWtX4o

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Happy Father's Day.
How should I start off with this entry?
There are lots to share.
What is boggling in my mind lately?
For the past 6-8 years, I have been bitter against someone.
Someone whom I should love.
Someone whom I should respect.
Someone whom I should have kept in contact.
Someone whom I should forgive.
That "someone" is my father.
He is that "someone" whom I haven't spoken, seen, and forgiven for a long time.
He may have done a lot of "terrible" things in my family, but he has a lot of reasons why this situation has happened.
Last night, I had the spirit to speak to him with no fear and nothing holding me back.
It has been a while since I last heard his voice.
He said my voice has changed.
We shared how life was.
I am glad that he is doing alright.
His body is getting weak now.
He is getting older.
He is exercising a lot to keep himself stable.
He knew that I am Christian because my uncle told him.
He asked me, "Who asked you to call me? Is it mom or brother?"
I answered, "Jesus."
Later on...after sharing each others story...
He wept...
He wept......
For the past 6-8 years, last night was one of his most happiest moment in his life.
He thought mom told me to call him.
He never ever thought that Jesus would tell me to call him.
Therefore, I did, and I obeyed, and I forgave him.
I understand him.
I understand the disappointment he went through because of my brothers.
I understand he went through a lot of pain.
I understand he went through loneliness.
I told him about the reason why I didn't call him for the past 6-8 years.
Mom told me a lot of things about what my father did.
I became kind of bitter.
I became unforgiving.
I didn't understand why he treated my mom the way she told me.
Now...
No matter what he kind of sin he has committed to my family, I still forgave him.
I told him, "I forgive you because God forgave us. I've sinned, but God still forgave me. If He is willing to forgive me because of my sin, then why shouldn't I forgive you?"
I forgive you.
I don't care anymore what happened in the past, but don't let it scarce our broken bondage for life.
He gave me a lot of teachings...
At this moment, I'm going to take care of mom while I await for him to come back.
Thank You, Jesus.
For never leaving nor forsake my family.
I pray that he will come to know You one of these days.

Facebook-holic

I realize that when post a new status on facebook, I tend to check it every 10 minute to see who comments on it.
Not only that, but I am also wondering who "like" it.
It is fascinating how I cannot check facebook almost every minute because I posted a new status.
When I don't post anything, I don't check it that often.
I believe I check facebook everyday with the exception of days where I am away.
I wonder, how can I cut off the facebook "drugs"?
It is quite addicting.
I don't understand why.
Perhaps this has to do with serving pride?
And curiosity?
When dealing with pride, I feel good that people comments and "like" my stuff.
I feel so caught up with that I make myself more known than God.
Although, I usually post up things that are pleasing God, but I can't take it into my own pride.
An old friend from high school surprisingly commented on my status.
Which can be a good thing because I shared a line from a song on facebook.
I do give all the praise and glory God that I could publicly declare God's holiness through songs, verses, and wisdom.
A friend of mine from church, not sure if she is a Christian, would post this, "I am thankful for..." on her facebook status every evening.
When dealing with curiosity, I need to stop wasting my time checking facebook for no odd reason.
I need to find something better to do.

Next Door

I woke up very early this morning.
It is a rare occasion for me to wake up before 8:30am.
Perhaps, I'll go back to sleep after this, but I shall see what I could do right now.
The reason why I woke up is because I had another set of an alarm.
Which is, my next door neighbor.
I don't understand.
The family seemed have some kind of double-face when I see them.
They look like a nice family.
Another other hand, they look kind a messed up family.
Which goes to case that they are a nice and messed up family.
Now, I am not judging them in a bad way.
However, usually in the morning, the mom would yell or scream at her kids.
One time, I remember the mom locked the kid outside the house and the kid would cry really loud.
Practically, they are disturbing their neighbors.
And, I usually get frustrated because I am trying to sleep...although I should wake up.
This morning, the parents were arguing with each other really loud - louder than the kids crying.
I had no idea what they were arguing about, although they spoke in Cantonese.
Seemed like the father was trying to drop-off the kids to school and then go to work.
The mother was going insane yelling loud and I think they got into a "fight".
Worse thing is, they did it in front of their children.
They don't look like religious family.
The dad usually smokes outside when I come back from school or going out.
They would have families and relatives go over to their place.
Something seems kind of odd, who is that bigger looking dude?
Their children seemed like they are in their early elementary year, but that dude look like a high schooler?
He lives with them though.

I believe it is normal for husband and wife to disagree upon something.
When I think about myself, I know I can't control every kind of situations that happens.
I do my best to stay away from arguments.
In terms with relationship and dating, there will be situations where things can affect my relationship with a woman.
Not only does it affect the relationship, but it may also affect the inner person as well.
For every couples who are going through that phrase, then rest assure that God is with you.
God will deal with you for those who started the grieve on the other.
God will deal with you for those who are grieving and affected.
God will lift you up and strengthen you when you call upon Him if you are in the middle of a trial.

The Never-Forsaking Father (Hebrews 13:5-6)

When was the last time we thought God left us? Do we turn to what God says or do we turn to our own fears?

Understand this passage in Hebrews 13:5-6, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

I want us to focus on these two statements, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” and “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Never will I leave you. It is a promise and assurance that God will never leave us for any sort of reason: sin, pride, arrogance, ignorance, and selfishness.

Never will I forsake you. There will be moments where we go through difficult life. I’ve been talking about hardships, sufferings, and struggles that we face in our lives, and we feel that God has left us. However, that is just our “thoughts”.

Therefore, most often, we think that God left us because we sinned against, which is a justified point and fair, but that is not true. When we through depression, pain, and stress, we THINK that God left us.

That passage, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”, was referenced from the Old Testament verse in Joshua 1:5. The Israelites were very rebellious against Moses and Aaron. If you know how the story goes, they weren’t able to persevere through due to their lack of faith in God. They would rather die serving Pharaoh the king of Egypt. The story ends like this, they got to the promise land as God has promised!

They went through a lot of oppositions on their way. It was not through their own strength that destroyed their enemies while they were still outnumbered. It was all because of God’s promise to the Israelites, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” It was God’s amazing provision led them to where to they should go. It was God who was there to defeat the enemies who opposed them when He said, “I will hand them over to you.” It was God who handed Goliath, the giant, over to David with a sling and a stone in one hit.

The antidote to "love of money" is contentment, which comes from trusting in God’s promised provision (Deut 31:6; 8).

“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” This passage is referenced in Psalm 118:6. It applies the idea of trusting in God for more than just financial needs (even during persecution, Heb 13:3).

If God was there for them, then no doubt for us, who believes, that He will not leave and forsake us. Have faith and trust that God is also our ultimate provider.

As we share the gospel with our friends, remember what Jesus said, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

God says, “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you” Do you hear Him saying it to you? Does it sound true to you personally? If you don’t have that kind of assurance of God, then be still and know that He is God and listen to Him again.

The Never-Forsaking Father (Hebrews 13:5-6)

When
was the last time we thought God left us? Do we turn to what God says
or do we turn to our own fears?

Understand this passage in
Hebrews 13:5-6, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be
content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave
you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is
my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

I want
us to focus on these two statements, “Never will I leave you; never will
I forsake you,” and “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What
can man do to me?”

Never will I leave you. It is a promise and
assurance that God will never leave us for any sort of reason: sin,
pride, arrogance, ignorance, and selfishness.

Never will I
forsake you. There will be moments where we go through difficult life.
I’ve been talking about hardships, sufferings, and struggles that we
face in our lives, and we feel that God has left us. However, that is
just our “thoughts”.

Therefore, most often, we think that God
left us because we sinned against, which is a justified point and fair,
but that is not true. When we through depression, pain, and stress, we
THINK that God left us.

That passage, “Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you”, was referenced from the Old Testament verse
in Joshua 1:5. The Israelites were very rebellious against Moses and
Aaron. If you know how the story goes, they weren’t able to persevere
through due to their lack of faith in God. They would rather die serving
Pharaoh the king of Egypt. The story ends like this, they got to the
promise land as God has promised!

They went through a lot of
oppositions on their way. It was not through their own strength that
destroyed their enemies while they were still outnumbered. It was all
because of God’s promise to the Israelites, “Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.” It was God’s amazing provision led them to
where to they should go. It was God who was there to defeat the enemies
who opposed them when He said, “I will hand them over to you.” It was
God who handed Goliath, the giant, over to David with a sling and a
stone in one hit.

The antidote to "love of money" is
contentment, which comes from trusting in God’s promised provision (Deut
31:6; 8).

“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can
man do to me?” This passage is referenced in Psalm 118:6. It applies the
idea of trusting in God for more than just financial needs (even during
persecution, Heb 13:3).

If God was there for them, then no doubt
for us, who believes, that He will not leave and forsake us. Have faith
and trust that God is also our ultimate provider.

As we share
the gospel with our friends, remember what Jesus said, “And surely I am
with you always, to the very end of the age.”

God says, “I will
never leave you. I will never forsake you” Do you hear Him saying it to
you? Does it sound true to you personally? If you don’t have that kind
of assurance of God, then be still and know that He is God and listen to
Him again.

What is up?

I want to find a more profound title to talk about my everyday life.
Maybe that title is relevant enough to speak the question?
Anyhow, yesterday, I caught a flu.
I think I caught it from my little brother or walking to school in the rain without wearing proper clothing.
I feel better now.
At least I am glad that I am able to go to school and see my co-op coordinator.
I am slacking in school, somewhat.
Hopefully I will get on task and start working hard again.
It is going to come down on me this month and on July.
Must get BUSY!
Since I was so sick yesterday, I wasn't able to do devotional, but I do pray that God would continually be my first priority.
Spending time with God through prayer and talking is also a privilege.
Your greatest achievement on earth means nothing compare to the reward that God will crown you.