Sitting here in front of my computer at 2:35am.
Came back from hangout with my church friends.
Yeah, we were out very late today.
Went to eat dinner.
And then went for Bubble Tea.
And then went to E-Spot and played.
Standing here or sitting here.
Before His presence.
Thinking of all the good things He has done.
Waiting here patiently.
Just to hear the still small voice again.
Holy, Righteous, Faithful till the end.
How can I forget His faithfulness?
Of all the things He has done in my past...
He saved me during my deepest and darkest moment in my life.
Depression hit me and I just wanted to hide from the world in that little deep dark corner where nobody could find me.
I tried to hide...I tried to run...
Yet, He was still gracious and loving.
He cleaned up the furniture and found a lost coin...
That lost coin was me...
I was so lost in my life where I didn't deserve His love.
But I was so miserable that I cried and ran back to Him because I needed Him.
He is enough. He is sufficient.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions.
It reminded me of how I came to know Christ.
I want to be strengthen again during that moment.
My mixed emotions...
Has a lot of do with tears running through my eyes when I pray and ask God what I need to pray for...*sob*
I read the passage when Jesus ask, "Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."
Jesus, what do you want me to ask you so that my joy may be full?
Greater things have yet to be done.
Whenever I meet up and talk to my friends (those who know about it), they would ask me, "How are you doing?"
How should I answer them?
Should I say "Yes, I'm doing good" or "No, I'm not doing good"
When I see them, I know they are praying for me.
They know that I am going through trials - fires of sorrow.
I have been praying and praying.
Patiently waiting for Him to answer me.
Waiting for Him.
Be still, and know that He is God.
God is faithful, therefore, He is worthy to be praised.
His works are perfect.
My friends know I have a shattered heart.
Yup, my heart is broken and shattered.
God is healing and shaping me.
I am not strong.
However, without Christ, I can do nothing.
All I would be doing is crying and being depressed.
I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I have been enduring this pain for a while.
That is why I said I have a lot mixed emotions.
When I feel down, I depend solely more on God, and I focus more on Him.
He is all that I need because He is the ultimate provider.
He is the only who I can depend on that can BREAK OFF any confusion that Satan has laid in my life.
And her life.
Can I honestly say I am not desperate to be in a relationship?
I told my friends that I am not...
Am I just saying it, or do I mean it?
Do I have kind of integrity to say so?
I am not obsessive about it anymore.
I told my closest brother and sister about my life.
It seemed like these things are happening because of what I did...
I do want the best for her.
I do want her to think things through.
I do want her to think deeply about our potential relationship.
I told her almost everything she needed to know about me.
Because I do want the best for her.
Last year, I confessed to her about my purity issues and asked her to pray for me.
Praise God! I am having victory over sexual immorality!
Just recently, around last month ago.
I asked her if she liked me.
I asked her if she is interested in me.
I asked her if she sees us being compatible with each other.
I asked her if she can still see us being more than just friends.
I asked her during the time we've spent together, was there a "spark" or a "click" in our hearts.
I didn't want to hide anything from her.
I wanted her to make sure that she is with the right godly man.
That is why...I set a one year covenant to pray about it.
I wanted to make sure too...and so does she.
I told her, "Do not awaken love until it desires so."
Now...
Things seem to be getting a lot more interesting than I have ever expected.
I asked myself, "Why are some females so confusing? I don't understand them anymore."
Am I the one who is causing the confusion or Am I offering her my love?
Indeed, I surrender her to You.
I don't want to take pride in it.
It is all for the glory of God.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called
according to his purpose."
She is God's daughter.
Only God will confirm.
I leave it up to the Father to see if He is willing entrust His daughter to me.
Right now, I desire to stay faithful to Him.
Set my eyes focused on Him and the prize that He will reward me.
Although deep down inside, I do want to be in a relationship.
However, I am not hungering for it.
All I want to do right now is seek His kingdom.
If God provides me a girlfriend (future spouse), then praise Him!
If not, then praise Him!
But God knows my heart more than I could know myself.
He knows my desires.
He knows that I am alone.
Nevertheless, nothing is more better than the reward that God will crown me.
I will worship You for who You are, Jesus!
Amen.
"Nevertheless, I am
continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your
counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but
you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may
fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Came back from hangout with my church friends.
Yeah, we were out very late today.
Went to eat dinner.
And then went for Bubble Tea.
And then went to E-Spot and played.
Standing here or sitting here.
Before His presence.
Thinking of all the good things He has done.
Waiting here patiently.
Just to hear the still small voice again.
Holy, Righteous, Faithful till the end.
How can I forget His faithfulness?
Of all the things He has done in my past...
He saved me during my deepest and darkest moment in my life.
Depression hit me and I just wanted to hide from the world in that little deep dark corner where nobody could find me.
I tried to hide...I tried to run...
Yet, He was still gracious and loving.
He cleaned up the furniture and found a lost coin...
That lost coin was me...
I was so lost in my life where I didn't deserve His love.
But I was so miserable that I cried and ran back to Him because I needed Him.
He is enough. He is sufficient.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I have been going through a lot of mixed emotions.
It reminded me of how I came to know Christ.
I want to be strengthen again during that moment.
My mixed emotions...
Has a lot of do with tears running through my eyes when I pray and ask God what I need to pray for...*sob*
I read the passage when Jesus ask, "Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."
Jesus, what do you want me to ask you so that my joy may be full?
Greater things have yet to be done.
Whenever I meet up and talk to my friends (those who know about it), they would ask me, "How are you doing?"
How should I answer them?
Should I say "Yes, I'm doing good" or "No, I'm not doing good"
When I see them, I know they are praying for me.
They know that I am going through trials - fires of sorrow.
I have been praying and praying.
Patiently waiting for Him to answer me.
Waiting for Him.
Be still, and know that He is God.
God is faithful, therefore, He is worthy to be praised.
His works are perfect.
My friends know I have a shattered heart.
Yup, my heart is broken and shattered.
God is healing and shaping me.
I am not strong.
However, without Christ, I can do nothing.
All I would be doing is crying and being depressed.
I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I have been enduring this pain for a while.
That is why I said I have a lot mixed emotions.
When I feel down, I depend solely more on God, and I focus more on Him.
He is all that I need because He is the ultimate provider.
He is the only who I can depend on that can BREAK OFF any confusion that Satan has laid in my life.
And her life.
Can I honestly say I am not desperate to be in a relationship?
I told my friends that I am not...
Am I just saying it, or do I mean it?
Do I have kind of integrity to say so?
I am not obsessive about it anymore.
I told my closest brother and sister about my life.
It seemed like these things are happening because of what I did...
I do want the best for her.
I do want her to think things through.
I do want her to think deeply about our potential relationship.
I told her almost everything she needed to know about me.
Because I do want the best for her.
Last year, I confessed to her about my purity issues and asked her to pray for me.
Praise God! I am having victory over sexual immorality!
Just recently, around last month ago.
I asked her if she liked me.
I asked her if she is interested in me.
I asked her if she sees us being compatible with each other.
I asked her if she can still see us being more than just friends.
I asked her during the time we've spent together, was there a "spark" or a "click" in our hearts.
I didn't want to hide anything from her.
I wanted her to make sure that she is with the right godly man.
That is why...I set a one year covenant to pray about it.
I wanted to make sure too...and so does she.
I told her, "Do not awaken love until it desires so."
Now...
Things seem to be getting a lot more interesting than I have ever expected.
I asked myself, "Why are some females so confusing? I don't understand them anymore."
Am I the one who is causing the confusion or Am I offering her my love?
Indeed, I surrender her to You.
I don't want to take pride in it.
It is all for the glory of God.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called
according to his purpose."
She is God's daughter.
Only God will confirm.
I leave it up to the Father to see if He is willing entrust His daughter to me.
Right now, I desire to stay faithful to Him.
Set my eyes focused on Him and the prize that He will reward me.
Although deep down inside, I do want to be in a relationship.
However, I am not hungering for it.
All I want to do right now is seek His kingdom.
If God provides me a girlfriend (future spouse), then praise Him!
If not, then praise Him!
But God knows my heart more than I could know myself.
He knows my desires.
He knows that I am alone.
Nevertheless, nothing is more better than the reward that God will crown me.
I will worship You for who You are, Jesus!
Amen.
"Nevertheless, I am
continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your
counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but
you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may
fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
No comments:
Post a Comment