Trading MY EVERYTHING for Jesus

Perhaps there are moments when I am "alright", and moments when I am not alright.
But really, there are definitely moments when I am feeling kind of wasted.
From morning until evening, I feel so wasted.
There are no other things that can satisfy me besides Jesus Christ.
So, why am I complaining about being wasted and feeling of not being alright?
I fall short of the glory of God.
I breathe very hard and blow EVERYTHING out.
I have enough of it!
I confess that I am trying to replace Jesus Christ with worldly materials...and it is already bringing me sadness.
I consider everything loss in comparison to the glory of Jesus Christ.
Everyday, I have to drop and roll to put out the fire on me.
It is either that or I get roasted.
It is a battle and a constant wrestle with my sinful nature. (Romans 7)
I do not want to think about it and I do not want practice it.
IT IS A SIN to idolize them! (Exodus 20:3)
However, must I drop thinking about my future?
It is alright to think about it.
God has already prepared it and have something even far more greater than I can ever imagine or think of.
However, it will all depend on how I will live my life for Him.
Progressive Sanctification...sounds very Christianese.
I don't know what will happen, but I desire to constantly pray that God will open up the paths for me to walk to.
Even now, I do feel kind of sorrowful in some ways.
I had dreams about her these days.
See, I cannot control dreams.
Images just flies by my mind and I just have a dream on it.
There are moments when I'm marrying her...or going out...or just enjoying each others moments.
For some reason, I do forget some of the moments in that dream.
However, what is God trying to say in those dreams?
How I wish that, tonight, God would speak to me in my dreams and show me something.
Nonetheless, I can never ever be sure with those dreams.
I want to be reminded each night before I sleep.
I want to constantly pray for her and for my future...including my spouse and, most importantly, my walk with Jesus.
I want to always ask God to get rid this attraction or emotion if IT'S NOT FROM HIM.
I asked Him in the past, I am not 100% sure if He has already answered it...
Perhaps He did, and now it is time for me to step up in faith, and put my trust and hope in Him.
Put Him first...always.

I'm trading my
sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning