Sorrow and Unceasing Anguish For Unregenerate Family and Friends

I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit—that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

(Romans 9:1-3)

I've been meditating on this passage for the whole day. As I think about those who don't have a relationship with God, it is not only my friends who need salvation in Jesus Christ, but my whole family also needs know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

I pondered and wondered what Paul was experiencing when he said he has "sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart". I imagined tears. I also pondered why he would wish to be separated from God for the sake of his brothers. The answer is very simple: love. Paul would wish, if it were possible, that he would be accursed and to suffer the eternal punishment from God in exchange for his fellow Jews being saved. However, even if Paul wished that, it wouldn't do any good. As Christians, we must recognize that we do not have the supernatural power to save anybody.  God can use us and empower us to share the gospel with them, but the ultimate result is up to God. There's not much we could do to save our lost friends and families, but Paul still had hope in God through prayer:

Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. 

(Romans 10:1-4)

To summarize, Paul is saying that though the Israelite believed in God and were zealous for God in obeying His laws, they ignorantly misunderstood that the law revealed their unrighteousness, and they tried to earn their righteousness of God through the law. If a person wants to obey God's law, law, they must live by them (Leviticus 18:5; Galatians 3:10). However, all have sinned. Therefore, God's righteousness is, however, found through faith in Christ. Christ ended the law. Christ redeemed His people from law through the cross. And till this day, everyone around the world is trying to earn their righteousness or salvation through good deeds, religious laws, being a nice guy and girl and so on, and thus puff themselves up when they meet Jesus face to face where Jesus will say, "I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness" (Matthew 7:23) because all their righteous deeds are "polluted garments" or "filthy rags". (Isaiah 64:6)

My friends, in a family of seven, it is certainly a struggle to be the only Christian in the family. There are times I pray for their salvation, and there are times where I lose hope and give up on them. However, this passage convicted me a lot for the lack of love for my family. I recognize that I've been trying to so hard and try to convince them that Jesus is Lord. I trusted my own strength to save them more than I trusted in the Spirit to do His work in them. 

Paul was (and still is) a great example of his love for his family. And I want to imitate Paul, as he is in Christ.

Everyday, as I am blogging, is a grace from God. Every breath that I take is mercy from God. Everyday, as a sinner, God rescued me from the pit of despair and being dead in my sin. I'm here because of God's grace and mercy through Jesus Christ's life, death burial and resurrection. God has been gracious, and He's inviting us to ask Him and to talk to Him.

For those who are living in a non-Christian family (and this could also be applied to every person who is lost and don't know Christ), you are not alone. Sometimes, we may feel alone. But let us join hands together, and like Paul, may our "heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved." 

A Child of a Mother

I came back home from Flux BBQ at Willingdon Church. While walking back to my house, I saw my light turned on in my room. I was thinking, "hmm...I remember I turned off my light." When I got home, I found my mom to be in my room. She was sorting out stuff in my room and materials on my shelf. I felt frustrated and I told her not to touch my stuff. Everything on that shelf was placed there for a specific reason. Before, I told her not to touch my stuff; therefore, she should have known not to touch my stuff. I tried to keep it a gentle tone, but my tone was kind of on the rough edge of the spectrum. However, I did say "thank you" for caring and willing to clean up my room. Honestly, there aren't much messy parts in my room but just need to sort things out of where to put certain things.

When I saw her eyes, I saw myself to be a child of a mother who causes much disappointments in her life.

I wonder, how it would feel when my children do the same thing I did to my mother. To put myself on my mom's shoes, I would have felt hurt and disappointed. Knowing I want the best for my children, it turned out that I was wrecking their life. I definitely need wisdom and love to treat my mom in an honorable way.

Day 08 – A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

There are a lot of moments where I feel satisfied with my life. This one is going to be difficult.

First of all, Jesus satisfies me the most. He is my treasure, my lot in life, and my all-in-all. Before I came to know Christ, my life was pretty miserable. Family problems, suffering in education, tempted by Satan, and depression. I am still on a process in my walk with Jesus...taking my time to know that He is all I need because life is a struggle. However, the death that He died on the cross has completely satisfied God's wrath. After accepting Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, I no longer need to worry about my eternal security because I have assurance of salvation in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 73:25-26 "Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Also, if I didn't know Jesus, I wouldn't have known all the better/godly friends I made over the years. Hanging out with them really satisfies me, and I love them for all their support whenever I'm down. Hanging out may be temporarily but nonetheless, we're getting closer to each other as we pray, support, counsel, laugh, cry, and study together as we spiritually grow in our friendship with each other as bro and sis in Christ, and relationship with Jesus.