Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Voice Out

This morning, my heart rejoice by the fact that I have been given another day to live.
During the evening, I praise God for guiding me through the day despite whether if there was insecurity.
Although I don't know what is going on with my health, I believe God is sustaining me.
I am still here, but I don't want to take it for granted.
I don't like to talk about death.
Sounds vivid.
Whatever happens, I'll see to it.
I was talking to her about it yesterday, but I didn't tell her much of everything.
If she does read this blog, then it would be nice that finds out the some part of the depth in my heart.
There were time when I feel like dying so that I don't need to go through a lot of different experiences.
However, I don't want to anymore.
My Youth Pastor told this to me, "When I was in the car accident, I don't mind if God took me away. But now, I don't want to because I don't want to leave my wife and my daughter here by themselves."
I told her basically the general idea of what he said that is coming from my heart but I don't know if she understood it.
Therefore, I will tell her right here...if she reads it.
I don't want to die at this moment anymore, but if Jesus takes me away, then I don't have much of a choice.
I don't want to leave because I want to do so much here on earth that brings glory to God.
 Basically, yet every true and deep, I want to be with you.
If someday I do leave, then what would you do?
Although deep down, I want to leave after you.
I want to take care of you and make sure that you leave alright.
Anyhow, this sounds so drama-ish.

One thing that I have been pondering for a while is what my friend told me...
"If you love Miss ____, remember to pray for her EVERYDAY."
Honestly, I have been praying about this for almost 2 years.
2 years seemed like a long time.
Yes, it has been a long time, but I didn't do much of a count down or something
For the first year, I found interest and favor in her, so that is why I prayed.
The second year is where I made a covenant to her and God that I, or we, would pray for a year about this.
Perhaps, more than 2 years actually when I first met her.
God knows deep depth of my inmost heart.
As we were coming back from Michael W. Smith Concert last night, I was praying amongst myself at the bus loop and at the bus stop and while going home.
Basically, it was just the Father and son conversation.
More like me speaking to Jesus and He is interpreting it to the Father.
I said a lot of things.
I thanked Him for giving us a lot opportunities to spend time together and get to know each other.
She is His daughter, and the Father knows whether if I will love her and take care of her.
It is not us that can work things out, but through consistent prayer, Jesus is always the center of our relationship.
He is our first priority.
I have been praying a lot about being a Godly man, for her to be a Godly woman.
The empowerment and development by God's supernatural work, I see that He taught us both A LOT during the past year.
It was a long adventure, but we still have few more months to go before we make a huge decision.
What more can I say?
God is good!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day

Mom
Although you may not read this, but someday, I will let you know.
For the past 20 years, you went through a lot of suffer and sorrow in raising me.
You use every bit of your strength in raising me up to where I am right now.
I may be a spoiled brat or child in front of you, but I know deep down, you love me and the family.
I may sometime be disobedient and talk-back, but I ask for your forgiveness.
It is Mother's day.
I just want to thank you for taking care of me every moment of my life.
I praise God for a mother who is willing to commit her time and life in raising her children.
I do pray for you, that someday, you will see.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your hope.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your Savior.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your Lord.
That you will see Jesus Christ as Love.
That you will see why I am doing what I must do.
Lord, I ask that you will bless my mother.

Mother's Day

Mom
Although you may not read this, but someday, I will let you know.
For the past 20 years, you went through a lot of suffer and sorrow in raising me.
You use every bit of your strength in raising me up to where I am right now.
I may be a spoiled brat or child in front of you, but I know deep down, you love me and the family.
I may sometime be disobedient and talk-back, but I ask for your forgiveness.
It is Mother's day.
I just want to thank you for taking care of me every moment of my life.
I praise God for a mother who is willing to commit her time and life in raising her children.
I do pray for you, that someday, you will see.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your hope.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your Savior.
That you will see Jesus Christ as your Lord.
That you will see Jesus Christ as Love.
That you will see why I am doing what I must do.
Lord, I ask that you will bless my mother.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Awana and Youth (Psalm 20:4)

In ministry, it gets difficult.
There will always be a season difficult moments.
I am totally unsure what to do with the people who I am serving.
I need to search deep in my heart again.
As a blogger who openly confesses his struggles, it may sound kind of emotional but please pray for me.
This year will be my last in Awana.
Serving in the Children's Ministry has been a great blessing from God - I love kids.
It will be my 5th year in this ministry.
I sense that God wants me in another place to serve.
For some reason, I know that Awana is not the place where I will stay forever.
There always need to be more leaders serving in that ministry.
Unfortunately, I don't have that same kind of passion I had last year.
I do want to serve God wherever He calls me.
However, He knows what my heart desires.
He knows that I am not finding much joy as I did before.
I believe it is almost time for me to move on to different ministry where God is calling me.
I do need some time to pray and meditate on His words and Scripture.
I do need some time to talk to Him and hear Him out.
This is one of the ministries that I am serving.


OBC Youth is struggling.
PJ will be leaving at the end of June.
Us five: Me, John, Vania, Angel and Jackie.
Deep down to the guts of my heart, I want Masao to come back.
However, I do need to be humble about it and allow God to work in his life.
I totally don't know what to do with the youth.
My desire for the youth for them is to be renewed by the gospel, have an active relationship with Jesus and to serve the world.
In my situation before school starts, I feel like I am doing this battle alone.
Of course, it is not about me.
For leaders, I want to have a sense of unity with them.
However, it is hard.
As a reminder from Mark Driscoll's sermon, I am not much of a leader.
I am under authority.
I feel like sitting on the side and help out when I can.
It is a humbling season.
Although I may not understand what it means to have good leadership, but I know that God continually teaching me.
I am not worthy, but God chose me.
Lord, how can I serve You in the youth ministry?
How will You use me to bring glory to Your name?
How can I honor You?
How can I serve the youth?
Teach me...
Show me...
Serve me...
So that I may serve others.
Psalm 20:4 "May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed."

Awana and Youth (Psalm 20:4)

In ministry, it gets difficult.
There will always be a season difficult moments.
I am totally unsure what to do with the people that I am serving.
I am need to search deep in my heart again.
As a blogger who openly confesses his struggles, it may sound kind of emotional but please pray for me.
This year will be my last in Awana.
Serving in the Children's Ministry has been a great blessing from God - I love kids.
It will be my 5th year in this ministry.
I sense that God wants me in another place to serve.
For some reason, I know that Awana is not the place where I will stay forever.
There always need to be more leaders serving in that ministry.
Unfortunately, I don't have that same kind of passion I had last year.
I do want to serve God wherever He calls me.
However, He knows what my heart desires.
He knows that I am not finding much joy as I did before.
I believe it is almost time for me to move on to different ministry where God is calling me.
I do need some time to pray and meditate on His words and Scripture.
I do need some time to talk to Him and hear Him out.
This is one of the ministries that I am serving.

OBC Youth is struggling.
PJ will be leaving at the end of June.
Us five: Me, John, Vania, Angel and Jackie.
Deep down to the guts of my heart, I want Masao to come back.
However, I do need to be humble about it and allow God to work in his life.
I totally don't know what to do with the youth.
My desire for the youth for them is to be renewed by the gospel, have an active relationship with Jesus and to serve the world.
In my situation before school starts, I feel like I am doing this battle alone.
Of course, it is not about me.
For leaders, I want to have a sense of unity with them.
However, it is hard.
As a reminder from Mark Driscoll's sermon, I am not much of a leader.
I am under authority.
I feel like sitting on the side and help out whenever I can.
It is a humbling season.
Although I may not understand what it means to have good leadership, but I know that God continually teaching me.
I am not worthy, but God chose me.
Lord, how can I serve You in the youth ministry?
How will You use me to bring glory to Your name?
How can I honor You?
How can I serve the youth?
Teach me...
Show me...
Serve me...
So that I may serve others.
Psalm 20:4 "May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed."